From chores to choices: Practical ways to build independence with your child

Practical strategies to encourage independence in children include giving age-appropriate responsibilities and letting kids navigate challenges on their own. Trust and guidance help them thrive.

Photo: Volant/Unsplash

Want to raise confident, capable kids? Children learn self-sufficiency through everyday opportunities. These experiences strengthen confidence, emotional resilience, and decision-making.

by Casey Cartwright
Contributor Writer

Children grow up so fast, as every parent is painfully aware. One moment your baby is babbling on the sofa, and the next they’re out the door on their way to their last day of school. Along the way, they become the person they’re meant to be, and you play a huge role in supporting their healthy development. Specifically, fostering independence in your child is a great way to set them up for confidence, resilience, and success later in life. You’re probably already doing more than you think to support this growth. But if you want to go even further, we’re here to help.

This article explores some practical ways to encourage independence in your child. We will discuss age-appropriate opportunities that help children develop problem-solving skills, self-confidence, and the ability to handle challenges. These small steps create a foundation that will serve them well as they grow. The best part of going through this process is that you’ll strengthen your relationship with your child. When kids feel capable and trusted, they’re more likely to come to you when they truly need guidance.

So where should you start? Well, think about your daily routines. What do you currently do for your child that they could also handle? For instance, if you pick out your child’s outfits, maybe they can take over that task. To make it easier but still foster their independent decision-making, you can let your child choose between two outfits that you lay out the night before.

Giving your child freedom in their free time is an important aspect of helping them feel trusted.

Now, turn your attention to the bathroom. Your kid’s independence in the space develops naturally when you make the room more accessible to them. Put a step stool by the sink and a toothbrush within their reach. Teach them how to wash their hands, then let them practice without hovering over their shoulder, counting to 20. Let them comb their hair each morning. These small tasks are usually manageable for small children, and they instill daily confidence through autonomy.

Aside from what your child needs to do to take care of themselves, consider what they can do to help out around the house. That’s right—chores. No kid likes chores. In fact, very few adults like chores. However, these tasks are golden opportunities for teaching your child to be independent because they foster practical skill development. Maybe they can set the table for dinner, pick up the living room each night, feed and water the dog, or put items on the grocery list when they run out. These are things every person must know how to do if they are to be truly self-sufficient, and teaching the jobs early gives your child a head start.

Then, there’s independence in recreation. Many parents want to watch their children like hawks at the playground or playdates, but it’s important that you prove to your little one that you trust their judgment. Let them pick their friends, say yes to sleepovers, have them decide their hobbies, and encourage all healthy interests, from painting to soccer. Naturally, you should be mindful of their safety and set boundaries when it’s necessary. But giving your child freedom in their free time is an important aspect of helping them feel trusted, which translates to a more independent mindset.

If you want to start small in this area, Christmas is coming up, and it’s a great time to give your child a gift that shows your confidence in their self-sufficiency. For instance, ride-on cars are great winter gifts for kids because the toy is mature yet safe. Your child can feel uniquely independent as they drive around the yard and neighborhood in a mini Jeep, and you can peacefully observe their safety from a distance.

You should teach your kid that independence includes asking for help when they need it.

Now, as your kid navigates these big and small opportunities for independence, they will probably run into problems. How you encourage them to overcome these obstacles is a valuable part of the process. When your child faces a minor challenge, pause before jumping in to fix it. For example, a puzzle piece that won’t fit can be a learning opportunity. Wait to see if your child figures it out. If they’re stuck, ask questions instead of providing solutions. You might inquire, “What happens if you turn it around?” Only step in with the answer if your child makes a thoughtful attempt before requesting your help. In doing so, you let them know that you trust their capabilities and that you are a resource, not an omniscient, overbearing problem-solver.

Frustration is an expected part of this process. Your kid will probably get very annoyed and even start to cry when they face problems. This is always distressing to see as a parent, and it makes many guardians immediately jump to the rescue with a quick fix and coddling. But that’s not going to teach your child how to handle challenges for themselves. After all, emotional intelligence is inextricable from true independence.

When your child melts down over a broken crayon, acknowledge their feelings. Say, “You’re really upset about your crayon breaking.” Then, guide them toward solutions without laying them out on the table. Ask, “What could help you feel better?” and help your child workshop.

Likewise, letting children experience natural consequences builds essential emotional resilience. If they forget their jacket despite you reminding them again and again, feeling chilly could be what they need to learn the lesson. Of course, be reasonable in what consequences you let your child endure. They don’t need to be rescued from manageable discomfort, but pain and authentic distress are not appropriate. In these cases, you should teach your kid that independence includes asking for help when they need it. Teach your child that requesting assistance with truly difficult tasks or outcomes shows wisdom, not weakness. This prevents them from entering or staying in dangerous situations.

Start small, stay consistent, and trust the process.

A final important consideration is knowing when your child is overwhelmed by self-sufficiency. Some kids latch on to every freedom and thrive, while others are much more hesitant to leave any part of the nest. You might encounter resistance as you encourage them to do things on their own, and this is normal. However, it might signal a need for more attention, not less freedom or more support. Remember to frame setbacks within the context of the bigger picture. On the whole, if you do your part to trust and empower your kid, they will grow up to be a confident, autonomous adult.

In the end, encouraging independence in your child will create an adult who can handle challenges, make good decisions, and maintain healthy relationships. The patience you invest now in letting your child struggle reasonably with age-appropriate tasks pays dividends in the years to come. Start small, stay consistent, and trust the process. Your child’s growing independence reflects your excellent parenting, not your decreasing importance in their life. You’re raising a capable human being who will always need your love and guidance—just in evolving ways.

Casey Cartwright is a passionate copyeditor highly motivated to provide compelling SEO content in the digital marketing space. Her expertise includes a vast range of industries from highly technical, consumer, and lifestyle-based, with an emphasis on attention to detail and readability.

Tags: how to teach kids independence, fostering independence in children, raising self-sufficient kids, age-appropriate chores for children, building confidence in children, helping kids solve problems, promoting emotional resilience in kids, parenting tips for independence, encouraging responsibility in kids, guiding children to be confident and capable

Teens don’t know everything − and those who acknowledge that fact are more eager to learn

by Tenelle Porter
Rowan University

Photo: Kenny Eliason/Unsplash

If you, like me, grew up in the 1980s and 1990s, you may have come across the classic refrigerator magnet, “Teenagers, leave home now while you still know everything.”

Perhaps you know a teen, or maybe you were a teen, like this: pop-star energy, a little too confident in your opinions, a little too certain that no one could know what you know. Adolescence is the period of life when people transform from children into adults. To handle the transition successfully, people need to shed parental dependencies and become more autonomous and independent. So it makes sense that teens think – or at least act like – they know everything.

I’m a scholar of how people, at any stage of life, handle the fact that they do not actually know everything.

My research has examined what happens to young people who, amid the emotional, social and hormonal storms of adolescence, find themselves relatively willing to acknowledge that their knowledge and perspective are actually limited. This is an attribute scholars like me call “intellectual humility,” which describes a person’s recognition that there are gaps in what they know and that those gaps make their beliefs and opinions fallible.

My colleagues and I wondered whether anything was different about teens who recognize this fallibility – who are intellectually humble – and those who don’t. We really weren’t sure, because the answer is not obvious. On one hand, being aware of their own ignorance and fallibility might be an asset for teenagers by making them more teachable and open-minded, and perhaps even more likable. On the other hand, perhaps awareness of their ignorance could be so overwhelming that it makes them feel defeated and helpless, essentially shooting young people in the foot before they have even gotten off the starting line of their adult life.

We wondered whether, and to what extent, intellectual humility is beneficial for youth and to what extent it might actually be harmful.

Anticipating failure

In a series of studies that collectively enrolled over 1,000 participants, high school students rated themselves on the degree to which they agreed with statements like “I acknowledge when someone knows more than me about a subject” and “I question my own opinions, positions and viewpoints because they could be wrong” as indicators of intellectual humility.

We then asked students to imagine that they had failed a quiz in a new class and, critically, what they would do next. Students rated a series of possible responses to this setback, including more mastery-oriented responses, such as “study harder next time,” and more helpless responses, such as “avoid this subject in the future.”

The students who had rated higher in intellectual humility more strongly endorsed the mastery responses, showing that the intellectually humbler they were, the more they said they would try to learn the difficult material. The students’ degree of intellectual humility did not coincide with their helplessness ratings. In other words, the intellectually humbler students were not more defeated and helpless. Rather, they were more interested in improving.

Photo: Taylor Flowe/Unsplash

Actually encountering failure

We wanted to know more, especially whether students’ hypothetical behavior would be the same as their actual behavior. Our next two studies addressed this question.

One study had three phases. We started by measuring adolescents’ intellectual humility with a self-reporting questionnaire like the one we’d used before.

Then we returned to their classrooms months after the questionnaire, on a day when the teacher returned an actual, graded unit test. As students saw their test feedback and grades, we asked them to rate different options for what they might do to prepare for the next test.

The intellectually humbler students endorsed items like “try to figure out things that confuse me” and “ask myself questions to make sure I understand the material” more strongly than the less intellectually humble students, regardless of whether they performed well or poorly on the test.

For the last phase of this study, we waited until the end of the school year and asked the teacher – who did not know students’ intellectual humility scores – to rate each student’s eagerness to learn. According to the teacher’s ratings, the intellectually humbler students took on learning with more gusto.

In the other study, with another group of students, we again gave them the questionnaire on intellectual humility. Then we asked them to complete a challenging puzzle that tapped into their actual persistence and challenge-seeking behavior.

The intellectually humbler students preferred challenging puzzles more than easy ones that they already knew how to do, spent longer trying to solve the challenging puzzles and made more attempts at solving puzzles even after they had failed than their less humble peers.

The role of mindset

Collectively, those studies gave us additional confidence that intellectually humbler students were more teachable and willing to work harder than their more defensive, less humble peers – not only by their own accounts but also according to a teacher and as measured by an actual behavioral task.

But we didn’t know whether the intellectual humility caused that openness to learning. We wanted to know if encouraging students to be more intellectually humble would actually make students more focused on learning and mastery and less likely to throw up their hands and surrender in the face of a challenge.

So we randomly assigned participants to read one of two articles, one about the benefits of being intellectually humble, the other about the benefits of being highly certain. These articles looked like they had been written for a popular media outlet, but they were actually written by us.

As a cover story, we asked for participants’ feedback on the article: Was it intelligible? Could a young person understand it? What was the main idea?

Next, we asked participants to do a second, ostensibly unrelated activity. We asked them to imagine specific objects and rotate them in their minds’ eyes. These were tricky problems, taken from dental school admissions exams, aimed at determining a person’s spatial visualization skills.

After they finished the problems, we told participants they had done well on some questions and failed others. This feedback was made up so that it would be consistent for every participant. Prior researchers have used a similar procedure because it is difficult for people to determine whether they had answered these questions correctly or not, making both success and failure feedback equally plausible.

Then we asked if they would be interested in taking a tutorial on the material they failed. The results were dramatic: Upon hearing that they failed a series of questions, 85% of those who had read the article about the benefits of intellectual humility chose to invest in learning more about the failed subject. But just 64% of those who had read about the benefits of certainty chose to learn more.

In all of these studies, intellectually humbler adolescents showed in a variety of ways and via a variety of different measures that, when they got something wrong, they cared about getting it right the next time. Rather than throw up their hands and declare themselves to be helpless in the face of ignorance, intellectually humbler students set to work on learning more.

Other researchers’ findings that corroborate these results show that young people higher in intellectual humility are more motivated to learn and earn higher grades, in part because they are more open to corrective feedback.

We are continuing our research into how intellectual humility shapes teenagers’ lives and how parents, teachers and society can promote it. Some of our recent work has looked at how schools make it either easier or harder for young people to express intellectual humility. We also have questions about how much American parents, teachers and adolescents value intellectual humility. As with any research, we really don’t know what we’ll find, but we’re excited to learn.

Tenelle Porter, Assistant Professor of Psychology, Rowan University

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.