Guest Commentary |
Cutting ties with a friend or relative is difficult

by Glenn Mollette, Guest Commentator


We live in an age of addiction and dysfunctional personalities. Lives and families are shattered every day by drug addiction, gambling addictions, pornography, alcoholism and more. Some people have anger issues and live daily lashing out at people and loved ones. Many people have serious mental health issues and need help and often refuse to get help. All of these issues and many more can be impactful on friendships and relationships. It takes a lot of patience and work to survive such a relationship.

Sometimes we hang in there because we feel it’s the noble thing to do. We try to stick with our kids and be there when they need us. We try to hang tight with our parents in their golden years just in case they need us. We stick with a spouse or significant other out of love or a commitment to see life through to the end.

Most of the time we don’t give in unless someone becomes very bad, mean, evil, or is totally wrecking our lives. When this happens then we have to make a decision. How do we stay in relationship with this person? The individual could be a friend, spouse, significant other or a relative. Most people try for a long time but there comes a point if someone is totally wrecking your life then you have to have a serious discussion with the person. If this doesn’t work then you have to go a different direction. You have to make a new plan Stan, as Paul Simon said in a song.

As a Christian, I know God doesn’t give up on us and we don’t give up on people.

Often making a decision to cut ties with a friend or relative is difficult and painful, but there comes a time when mental sanity requires that you make the difficult decision. Once you have made it then there is usually a feeling of relief. Some guilt may follow but not likely if you tried to be a good and fair person and extend as much grace as possible.

No one goes into marriage thinking about divorce but on occasion the battle to make it work is like saving the Titanic from sinking. It’s not going to happen.

This happens with friends, children, and even parents. I agree, “Nothing is Impossible with God.” Keep in mind that you aren’t God and while you may be committed to him in faith, it takes two people to make a relationship work.

it's true that winners never quit and quitters never win but winners don’ beat their heads on a fence post either. Try hard. Work hard. Forgive multiple times. Extend grace. Pray. Look to the Bible for guidance. Get counsel. Have long talks. Cry. Try begging. If your life is still swirling downward because of the negativity involving “whoever” the other person is then, “hop on the bus Gus, and drop off the key Lee,” as Simon also said.

As a Christian, I know God doesn’t give up on us and we don’t give up on people. This doesn’t mean we have to be in union with them or continue to be abased personally by their actions.

Live in peace, joy and harmony with all people, as much as possible and all times, if possible, Just realize that maybe pushing a rope is not easy. Changing the course of the Mississippi River might be easier and some people you simply have to release to God and walk away.


He is the author of 13 books including Uncommom Sense, the Spiritual Chocolate series, Grandpa's Store, Minister's Guidebook insights from a fellow minister. His column is published weekly in over 600 publications in all 50 states. The views expressed are those of the author and are not necessarily representative of any other group or organization. We welcome comments and views from our readers. Submit your letters to the editor or commentary on a current event 24/7 to editor@oursentinel.com.


Moving in: How to build connections in your new community

SNS - Moving to a new city can be an exciting adventure, but it often comes with the challenge of knowing how to build community connections. Establishing these connections is crucial for creating a sense of belonging and developing a supportive network in your new environment.

When you feel connected to your community, you’re more likely to feel at home and less isolated. Building relationships with neighbors, joining local groups, and participating in community events can significantly enhance your experience in a new city. These connections provide emotional support, practical help, and opportunities to engage in social activities, all contributing to your overall well-being and happiness.


Once you’ve settled in, attending local events is a fantastic way to build connections in your new city.

Whether it’s finding a friendly face to share a cup of coffee with or someone to rely on in times of need, the benefits of fostering community connections are immense. Here are practical steps to help you quickly and effectively build these essential ties in your new city.

Ease Your Move In and Engage with the Community
Navigating the challenges of relocating to a new city involves more than just unpacking boxes. It's also about settling into a new life. One of the first hurdles many face is the logistical and emotional strain of the move itself. Companies like A2B Moving and Storage DC specializes in helping individuals and families transition smoothly to their new homes. With a comprehensive range of services, including packing, transportation, and storage solutions, they alleviate much of the stress associated with moving. By handling the physical aspects of the move, expert movers free you up to focus more on integrating into your new community and less on the details of the move itself. Hiring a professional mover ensures that your belongings are safely and efficiently relocated, allowing you to build those new community connections with peace of mind.

Build Community Connections: Join Local Groups and Organizations
After you unpack and settle into your new home, joining local groups and organizations can be a great way to build community connections. You can join various groups depending on your interests and hobbies. Hobby clubs, such as book clubs, gardening groups, or cooking classes, offer a chance to meet people with similar passions. Sports teams and fitness classes, like soccer leagues, running clubs, or yoga sessions, provide opportunities to stay active while socializing. Volunteer organizations are another excellent option, allowing you to contribute to the community while connecting with like-minded individuals.

Finding and joining these groups can be straightforward, with a few practical tips. Start by checking community bulletin boards at local libraries, coffee shops, and community centers for flyers and announcements. Online platforms like Meetup, Facebook, and local community websites are valuable resources for discovering local groups. Attend local events and ask residents about groups they are part of. Don’t hesitate to contact organizations or group leaders to express your interest. You'll quickly become a part of the community by actively seeking out and participating in these groups.

Attend Community Events
Once you’ve settled in, attending local events is a fantastic way to build connections in your new city. These events, such as festivals, markets, and town meetings, are crucial in fostering a sense of community. They provide opportunities to meet new people, learn about local culture, and discover community resources. Whether you’re interested in art fairs, music festivals, or local farmers' markets, there’s always something happening that can help you feel more integrated into your new surroundings. Town meetings are especially valuable as they offer insights into local issues and allow you to voice your opinions and participate in decision-making.

Booth at Crystal Lake Art Fair in August

Shoppers try on jewelry at the Red Ember Forge booth at the Crystal Lake Park Art Fair on August 3. There are always events in a community that can help newcomers meet new people and start networking with residents with similar interests. Art fairs and community festivals are great places to make new friends.
Photo: Sentinel/Clark Brooks

Finding information about upcoming events can be simple with a few strategies:

  • Community Bulletin Boards: Check bulletin boards at local libraries, coffee shops, and community centers.
  • Local Newspapers: Browse the events section in local newspapers or online editions.
  • Social Media: Follow local community groups, pages, and event listings on platforms like Facebook and Instagram.
  • City Websites: Visit the official city or town website for a calendar of events and activities.
  • Word of Mouth: Talk to neighbors and new acquaintances about events they recommend.
  • Regularly attending these events, you stay informed and find countless opportunities to meet people who might share your interests, such as gardening tips or home renovation ideas, enhancing your sense of belonging in the community.

Utilize Social Media and Online Platforms
Social media and online platforms play a significant role in helping newcomers connect with community members in a new city. These tools make finding local groups, events, and activities that match your interests easier. Platforms like Facebook have numerous community groups where residents share news, recommendations, and social gatherings. Joining these groups can provide insights into local culture and events, helping you feel more at home.

Flamenco dancer teaches workshop

Dancers learn the art of Flamenco during a workshop at Lincoln Square Mall in Urbana in March 2023. Finding groups that match your social interest is relatively easy, thanks largely to groups posting activities on social media.
Photo: Sentinel/Clark Brooks

Nextdoor is another valuable platform specifically designed for neighborhood connections. It allows you to communicate with nearby residents, share resources, and stay updated on local happenings. Meetup is ideal for finding social groups and activities based on your hobbies and interests, whether a book club, hiking group, or a professional network.

Engage with Neighbors
Building relationships with your neighbors can greatly enhance your sense of belonging after moving to a new city. Engaging with the people who live around you not only creates a friendly atmosphere but also establishes a support network. Here are some effective strategies and activities to help you connect with your neighbors.

Initiating Conversations
Starting a conversation with neighbors can be as simple as a friendly greeting. Introduce yourself when you see them outside or during casual encounters in common areas. Ask about local recommendations, such as good restaurants or parks, to show interest in their opinions. Sharing small favors, like offering help with carrying groceries or lending a tool, can break the ice and open up further dialogue. Hosting a casual get-together at your home, like a coffee morning or a barbecue, provides a relaxed setting for more in-depth conversations.

Friends playing mixed doubles tennis
Participating in recreational sports groups is a great way to have fun and meet new people.
Photo: Sentinel/Clark Brooks

Neighborhood Activities
Participating in neighborhood activities is a great way to foster connections. Block parties are an excellent opportunity to meet multiple neighbors in a festive environment. You can suggest organizing one or join if there's already a plan. Local gatherings, such as community clean-ups or holiday celebrations, also unite neighbors. Joining or forming a neighborhood watch group can build camaraderie and contribute to the safety of your area.

Participate in Local Initiatives
Getting involved in community projects and initiatives can significantly impact your sense of connection in a new city. These activities allow you to contribute positively to your surroundings and help build stronger ties with residents. For example, participating in local beautification projects, such as park clean-ups or tree planting, can bring you together with neighbors who share a common goal.

Volunteering at community centers or local schools provides opportunities to meet people and make meaningful contributions. Joining neighborhood safety initiatives, like a watch group, promotes a safer environment and fosters trust among residents. These efforts can lead to lasting friendships and a deeper sense of community. Much like creating cozy spaces in your home, participating in local initiatives helps you feel more settled and integrated, making your new city feel like home.

The Importance of Building Community Connections
Knowing how to build community connections in a new city is essential for creating a sense of belonging and developing a supportive network. Engaging with neighbors, joining local groups, attending community events, utilizing social media, and participating in local initiatives can significantly enhance your experience and make your new city feel like home. These connections provide emotional support, practical help, and opportunities for social interaction, contributing to your overall well-being and happiness. Don’t hesitate to take the first step – introduce yourself to a neighbor, attend a local event, or join a community project.


Nourish hearts and minds: The unseen benefits of eating together

Woman traveling by train alone
Photo: Luca Morvillo/PEXELS
Family Features - According to the U.S. Surgeon General, Americans face a lack of social connection that poses a significant risk to individual health and longevity. "Loneliness and social isolation increase the risk for premature death by 26% and 29%, respectively. More broadly, lacking social connection can increase the risk for premature death as much as smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day," per the report.

One way to address this epidemic of loneliness is by sharing a meal with friends and family. Learn five of the specific advantages of family meals identified by the Family Meals Movement and take advantage of these benefits during National Family Meals Month this September by sharing one more meal together each week.

Meals Together Foster Togetherness and Connectedness
Staying connected can be hard when schedules conflict and life gets busy, but shared meals with friends, family or however you define your family can be the glue that holds people together. Studies demonstrate a positive relationship between family meal frequency and measures of family functioning, which is defined as family connectedness, communication, expressiveness and problem-solving. The key is for family members to engage in conversation with one another during mealtimes and take advantage of the one-on-one time without distractions or interruptions from smartphones or other devices.

Family support illustration

Meals Together Strengthen Mental Health
An often overlooked benefit of family meals is mental health support. Multiple studies show family meals have long been associated with improving mental health, including reducing symptoms of depression, decreasing violent behavior and lessening thoughts of suicide among youth. Among adolescents, frequent family meals can help mitigate the risks of destructive behaviors by boosting prosocial behaviors and life satisfaction. Data from the FMI Foundation's "Staying Strong with Family Meals" Barometer shows family meals also help restore a sense of peace, with one-third of survey respondents saying family meals make them feel calm. In short, family meals are a recipe for strengthening emotional well-being among children and adolescents.

Meals Together Improve Nutrition
There is one easy way to help ensure your family is eating fruits and vegetables: a family meal. Research shows family meals improve fruit and vegetable consumption. It also pays to start this trend early, with research finding preschool-aged children who eat frequent family meals are more likely to eat more fruits and vegetables. Overall, research indicates families who eat together frequently have a better overall healthy diet and lower body mass index.

Meals Together Improve Academic Performance
Helping students' academic performance begins around the family dinner table. Eating more meals together as a family is associated with improved overall adolescent health, including higher grades. Multiple studies show students whose families eat together frequently perform better academically in areas such as reading and vocabulary. Research also supports a correlation between frequent family meals lowering incidents of risky and harmful behaviors, including drug and alcohol abuse, which may also contribute to school performance.

Meals Together Teach Civility
The family dinner table is a perfect place to show younger generations how to communicate respectfully, according to the Family Meals Barometer summary. In fact, 76% of survey participants agreed family meals are a good opportunity to have and teach respectful interactions while 70% said frequent family meals create a safe environment for families to discuss thornier societal issues. Another 68% affirmed their belief that sitting at a meal together tends to keep conversations more civil.

Learn more about the physical, mental and social benefits of family meals at familymealsmovement.org and follow #familymealsmonth and #familymealsmovement on social media.


Guest Commentary | A person of many companions may soon come to ruin

by Glenn Mollette, Guest Commentator


You may have heard this before. I went out to find a friend a none were to be found. I went out to be a friend and found them all around.

Where do you find friends?

Your best friends may be your family. You may be close to siblings, cousins, and others related to you. Growing up, I was blessed to be around a lot of aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, siblings, and parents. I didn’t have to think much about searching for friends because so many relatives were always around. This is not always the case. Many people have small families or maybe even no family. Some families go in different directions, live in different places, or move on with different interests and lives.


The Internet and social media have become the world’s biggest connection place.

We often find friends in school. Some of the people we shared elementary and high school with become lifelong connections. Even if we don’t see each other much, we still have those great past times that help us reconnect quickly.

We connect with people at our places of employment. Some of the people you spend hours with every day become lifelong friends.

Houses of faith are often good places to make new friends. People get to know each other in Bible study classes and other small group religious settings. The people you share your faith with will often become like brothers and sisters.

The local gym is often a place where people socialize. If you become a routine attender of an exercise class you will eventually develop some friends.

The Internet and social media have become the world’s biggest connection place. To many people this is their only connection. All their “friends” are on Facebook or Instagram. Many people have thousands of social media friends. Too often the loneliest people on the planet are those who are only connected by a keypad.

There are many more places where you can connect. Many communities have baking, quilting, hunting, sports clubs, and more. Civic groups from Kiwanis, Rotary, and Ruritan groups will often meet weekly and do community projects.

You might make some friends volunteering at the hospital or nursing home. There will be people in most of these places who will be glad to make a new friend. Talk to your local nursing home about your interest and you may be surprised how quickly your talents are utilized. You will also find some people who will be glad to make a new friend. Keep in mind this is not always easy as you will be trying to make friends with many who feel alone and forgotten.

You can always become active in the local political circles. This all depends on your level of desperation and if you don’t mind being shunned by whichever party you don’t declare affiliation.

Don’t try to have too many friends. The Bible says a person of many companions may soon come to ruin. However, you need a few friends and hopefully you will have some good ones.


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He is the author of 13 books including Uncommom Sense, the Spiritual Chocolate series, Grandpa's Store, Minister's Guidebook insights from a fellow minister. His column is published weekly in over 600 publications in all 50 states. The views expressed are those of the author and are not necessarily representative of any other group or organization. We welcome comments and views from our readers. Submit your letters to the editor or commentary on a current event 24/7 to editor@oursentinel.com.

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Moving on: When it's time to break up with a friend?

Photo: Tyler Nix/Unsplash
"Sometimes letting go is the first step toward creating a stronger friendship circle."


Holding on to a friendship that you aren't genuinely interested in maintaining can lead to resentment.
Brandpoint - Friendships are an essential part of living a fulfilling life.

Charles and Viktor (both names changed to protect their identities) had been friends for over a decade. Drinking buddies and lacrosse teammates in college, they found jobs in the same city. With similar interests, they became close friends.

A few years before the 2020 election, Charles started to change. His political views became increasingly intolerable. Viktor's wife could no longer stand to be around Charles, as his misogynistic and racist comments were a source of constant disgust and discussion.

Just like any other relationship, some friends are only meant to be part of your life for a reason or a season, rather than a lifetime. The problem is, no one really talks about how to evaluate your friendships and let go of the ones that are no longer adding value to your life.

While an overwhelming majority (77%) of respondents in a recent Bumble For Friends survey* believe that friends are one of the main factors to a happy and healthy life, 42% have never intentionally evaluated the existing friendships in their lives, and 1 in 4 (25%) agree that they are stuck in outdated friendships that no longer serve them.

Danielle Bayard Jackson, Bumble For Friends’ friendship expert, shares her advice on how to intentionally assess your friendships so that you can find peace in letting go of the ones you’ve outgrown. She suggests starting by asking yourself these questions:

Does the friendship feel like an obligation?

Many people have circumstantial friendships, meaning relationships that are mostly based on convenience, such as taking the same classes or having the same hobbies. Bumble For Friends’ survey* found that 1 in 3 (35%) people have these kinds of friendships — they're common, and they add value to life by offering a certain kind of companionship. However, when these friendships become obligatory, meaning that you maintain them out of a sense of duty, it’s time to reassess.

Why are you maintaining the friendship?

It took almost a year for Charles and Viktor to go on their own separate ways. They would talk on holidays and occasionally do lunch a couple of times a year to catch up. Vicky was happy, and Viktor felt relieved he no longer had to endure his friend's ultra-right banter.

One of the most common reasons why people hold on to friendships that no longer serve them is that they feel they owe it to history. They may also feel scared that if they let a friendship go, they’ll have a hard time finding new friendships. If the reasons you’ve elected to keep a friendship don't include a value-add to your life, then it might be time to mend or end the relationship.

What is maintaining the friendship costing you?

Holding on to a friendship that you aren’t genuinely interested in maintaining can lead to resentment, as you’re investing time, energy and emotional bandwidth that you most likely can’t afford. It can also impact your other friendships, as you’re dedicating space that you could be using on friends that fill your cup. There are only so many hours in the day, so it’s important to focus on friendships that positively impact your life.

If you decide that it’s time to part ways with the friendship, Jackson recommends a three-step formula for approaching the conversation:

  • Show that you’re intentional about the decision. Say, “Listen, I’ve been thinking a lot lately….”
  • Address your needs without blaming the other person. Use ‘I’ statements as much as you can; rather than “you are never there for me when I need you...,” try saying, “I need friendships in my life that can prioritize and support me in times of need.”
  • Tell them how much you appreciate them and what your intention is for moving forward. This could be, “I have appreciated our friendship so much, and you have been such an integral part of my life. However, I won’t be able to show up in this friendship in the same way that I have before.”

“Sometimes letting go is the first step toward creating a stronger friendship circle,” says Jackson. “Ending a friendship that no longer fits doesn't make you mean or disloyal. Instead, it creates space for the both of you to be better positioned to invite new connections into your lives.”

If things have changed in your life and you feel like you've maybe outgrown a friendship, Jackson suggests intentionally doing things to form new friendships — whether that be joining group activities, asking friends of friends to tag along to their next event, or downloading Bumble For Friends, the friendship-finding mode on the Bumble app. By putting yourself out there, you’ll be on the right track to creating a stronger social circle around you.

For more expert advice on building (and maintaining) strong friendships, visit bumble.com/bff.


*Research was commissioned by Bumble and carried out online by Censuswide in February 2023 amongst a sample of more than 1,000 US adults who have either attended college or are currently in college.

Guest Commentary | Addictions and mental illnesses are issues that people are afraid to address

by Glenn Mollette, Guest Commentator


Honesty is not always the easiest path but it’s usually the most loving path.

Let’s say you have a loved one or friend who is diabetic but they eat crazy stuff every day from pizza to cookies to soda pop without regard for personal health. Is it best for you to treat them to treats containing white flour and sugar every chance you can or to have a talk with them? Of course, you run the risk of hurting feelings or making the person angry but chances are they are going to die sooner than they should. It’s best to try to save the person’s life by being honest. You don’t have to cut the person’s head off with a verbal assault or face slapping rhetoric.

Love doesn’t attack people. You shouldn’t get preachy because this runs most people away. Simply preface your remarks by saying, “I’m your friend. I care about you and your life. I want you to live a long time. However, if you don’t stop eating what you eat all the time you are probably going to shorten your life.” This could pertain to any negative activity or addiction.

Having serious conversations with people is not easy. We are all busy. We aren’t close enough to most people to be this direct. Plus, we really have to care a lot about someone to be lovingly honest. We run the risk of the friendship becoming strained or evenly totally severed. The bottom line is do you care enough to be honest? Plus, don’t ever start making life recommendations to someone unless you truly love the person and are willing to help the individual work through the issues.

It’s easier to let people continue on their negative path to self destruction. Fast food and unhealthy food items are unfortunately much more affordable. It’s not cheap to eat healthy. It’s not cheap to be sick either. Medical bills can pile up quickly. Trips to the doctor are expensive. Diabetic medications are expensive. Kidney issues result in dealth for many Americans every year. Funerals are expensive. Giving up a good friend or family member is life changing.

Disease happens to us all in some way. These bodies are very vulnerable to cancer, diabetes and so on.

Chances are you may have tried. Most likely you have talked your head off to someone you love but they continue in their negative behavior. It seems many people under 50 can’t fathom sickness or death. The consequences of their behavior seem remote or even impossible. Thus they continue on their way.

Of course we all have to look in the mirror. We all wrestle with our private and public demons. Most of us know we aren’t perfect and if we take a serious inventory of our lives and habits we realize we all come away short of perfection, this is especially true of me. I have lots of personal work to do and it’s all I can do to try to do my own daily diagnosis and repair work. This is why we don’t take the time to try to help others; we have enough problems of our own.

Therefore, this is why you have to really care a lot about someone to take the time to try to help the person.

If you had the gift of premonition and could keep someone from being killed in an accident you wouldn’t hesitate to speak with them about it. So, why, if you can help someone address personal issues/addictions that might be deadly, wouldn’t you try? Unfortunately, addictions and mental illnesses are issues that people seem to be afraid to address. If someone you love was inside a burning building, most of us would risk our own lives to rush in and save them.

Why is it so hard to risk hurt feelings to save a life?


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Dr. Glenn Mollette is a syndicated American columnist and author of Grandpa's Store, American Issues, and ten other books. He is read in all 50 states. The views expressed are those of the author and are not necessarily representative of any other group or organization.

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This article is the sole opinions of the author and does not necessarily reflect the views of The Sentinel. We welcome comments and views from our readers. Submit your letters to the editor or commentary on a current event 24/7 to editor@oursentinel.com.


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Stress-free Thanksgiving tips for those short on time this holiday season

While gathering for Thanksgiving is intended to be a joyous occasion, everyone who has hosted the feast knows it can also come with a lot of stress, and expenses.

The good news is that whether you’re a Gen Z-er hosting your first Friendsgiving on a budget or you’re a busy family preparing for guests, there is a lot to be thankful for this year.


Op-Ed |
Tipped wage system isn't working, removing taxes won't save it
Both major presidential candidates have called for eliminating taxes on tips. But that won’t help most restaurant workers.

What will? Replacing the subminimum wages that tipped workers make with one fair wage nationwide.

The federal minimum wage for most workers is just $7.25. But for workers who get tips, employers are allowed to pay them $2.13 an hour. If tips don’t raise your hourly pay to at least the ...
Health & Wellness |
Is it depression, ADHD or bipolar disorder?
Lavender Zarraga, APRN, a behavioral health provider at OSF HealthCare, says it’s not uncommon for her patients to ask for a medication that isn’t the right fit.

The culprit? She says symptoms of common mental health issues like depression, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and bipolar disorder can overlap. So, it’s important to stay in contact with your provider to make ...