Holidays are no time to talk turkey, avoiding stress and tension around the table
by Paul Arco OSF Healthcare
The holidays are fast approaching. Families across the country will soon gather to break bread, exchange gifts and partake in each other’s company.
Photo provided
Therasa Yehling Strive Trauma Recovery Center Manager
But the holiday season can also be a time that heightens unwanted stress.
According to the American Psychological Association (APA), nearly 90% of people feel some stress during the holiday seasons for several reasons – finances, the death of a loved one and potential family conflict. This year could be especially tough given the tension surrounding the recent presidential election. APA research found the election was a major stress point for 69% of people who responded, which was up from 52% in 2016.
“I think that people are usually stressed about being perfect, trying to do everything,” says Therasa Yehling, manager for the OSF Strive Trauma Recovery Center in Rockford, Illinois, and a licensed social worker. “It could be about money. Are they going to buy everything for everyone? And if you already have issues of mental illness, or having issues with money, it just adds another layer of stress. I think it's hard to deal with around that time.”
Photo:KrakenImages on Unsplash
Before coming together this year, Yehling says families should have a plan. Communicate before that get-together and talk about how it might be best to stay away from certain topics. Instead, Yehling says, reinforce the love you have for one another and show compassion and concern for those family members and friends who are gathered around the table that day. It sure beats debating politics with your cantankerous uncle over a slice of pumpkin pie.
“Let's talk about fun things,” says Yehling. “Let's talk about how your kids are doing, how your parents are doing. Really talking about things that bring people together. I think that's important to concentrate on.”
If your family has engaged in heated discussions during past holidays, reevaluate your plan. Maybe this year you decide to only spend a couple of hours at your gathering, instead of all day. And if you know that tensions will be high regardless, Yehling says it’s OK to let your feelings known and to work with family members to make other arrangements this year.
“It's not fair to put people at a place that you know they can't rise to,” she says. “I need to accept that. I can't change them, but I certainly can change me. I can change how I react. And you don’t have to go. Go later. We can eat turkey any other time. We can do things differently.”
Surround yourself with people who love and support you.
Many people will be grieving this holiday season. It could be the loss of a loved one or pet, a job, health issues or even the outcome of the election. “When it comes to losing your husband or somebody you know, give them grace, give them that space,” Yehling says. “Let them have a tear or two, and they'll be alright. Let them be.”
And limit your time on social media. Yehling says the best way to avoid overreacting to information you read is to think carefully about responding to posts that cause you angst. Turn off your notifications and reduce the amount of time you spend scrolling through Facebook or X, for example.
Yehling offers other tips to help people get through the upcoming holidays. Don’t over schedule yourself, limit your travel, keep a regular routine, including healthy eating and exercise. Other reminders are managing gift giving, don’t overindulge when it comes to food and alcohol and take time for yourself. Remember to take a needed break from the holiday madness by reading a book, listening to your favorite music, going for a long walk or just curling up for an afternoon nap.
Most importantly, surround yourself with people who love and support you.
“It’s about who is around you and how you interact,” Yehling adds. “What do you want to do? How do you want this to go? Oh, I want to have fun. Then have fun. Put that effort, put that focus into it.”
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