Words are easier than actions. For example, “for better, for worse.” Couples traditionally say these words when they marry. They mean the words at the time. They have no idea what they are saying.
No one can really know what they are saying because they are clueless what the future will bring. Sticking together in marriage is easier when it’s all “for better”. Often life changes direction and it seems everything becomes “for worse.”
Financial difficulties, troubled children, aging parents, life failures, addictions, personality disorders and sickness all have a way of cooling the marital flame.
When a couple first marries everything is about love and nothing else matters. However, eventually everyone faces problems. Sometimes they come early in life and sometimes not until the later years of life. Make no mistake, if you and your spouse live long enough you will face difficulties that will mentally and physically push you to and beyond your limits.
We have to grasp the fact that no matter who you live with there will come a time when you will be a caregiver or need someone to take care of you. The only way to avoid this is to die while you are still physically and mentally independent. There is some kind of weird blessing about just falling over dead or not waking up one morning. It’s a shock to those left behind but you avoid the nursing home and some of the crippling disabilities that eventually happen in life.
None of us want to just fall over dead during our active years. We all want to live to a 100 and then just suddenly move over into heaven. This may be the way you will go and maybe you won’t. None of us know how our lives will end. I suppose it’s best that we don’t know.
If you are blessed with a mate, reach a mutual understanding early on that you are going to see each other through the tough times. It might be all on you to do the caregiving and that’s never easy but it’s easier than being the one inflicted with the illness. If you are the caregiver you can get some rest and restore. The person who is sick never gets a break.
Sadly, some people can’t hold out and give up. People are human beings and not machines. People wear down and are often unable to cope when sickness and troubles are more than they can handle. Try to not be condemning of these people as you are not the one living their lives.
If two people can mutually hang tight through the “for worse” period of life they can help each other to discover a little more “better” even during the very worst of times.
For more insights into this column please read First Corinthians chapter 13 from the Bible. Keep in mind that hard times are not easy times but you can find joy and peace by seeing yourself and your mate through the “worse” times of life.
He is the author of 13 books including Uncommom Sense, the Spiritual Chocolate series, Grandpa's Store, Minister's Guidebook insights from a fellow minister. His column is published weekly in over 600 publications in all 50 states. The views expressed are those of the author and are not necessarily representative of any other group or organization. We welcome comments and views from our readers. Submit your letters to the editor or commentary on a current event 24/7 to editor@oursentinel.com.
NewsUSA -- The to-do list for newly engaged couples can be daunting. Finding a venue, booking a caterer, choosing a dress -- there are many details that need to be factored into a wedding budget, regardless of who is paying. Starting a new life together is a perfect opportunity to establish solid financial habits that will serve you well throughout your marriage.
With the pandemic slowly fading into the rearview mirror, most young couples probably won't have the budget or resources to have that storybook ceremony the bride has dreamed of since she was a child. An intimate setting with 40-50 guests may be a better option. Today's wedding budget should be something the bride and groom pay for comfortably. After all, there's no need to go into debt to impress a gathering of family and friends.
Setting your priorities as a couple early on will set the tone for financial decisions in the future.
A CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™ professional can help couples develop a smart plan to manage engagement and wedding expenses. Setting priorities early on can help avoid conflicts as the big day approaches. Start by considering these four elements of planning for wedding expenses:
Make a list. Write down everything you both need or want for your dream wedding. That includes items large and small, from the number of guests to the types of flowers or favors.
Rank the list. Now that you have your list, put things in order of priority. Assign a number to each item in order of importance, such as a live band, sit-down dinner or elaborate cake. Or start by sorting needs and wants into categories, using 1 as most important, 2 as moderately important and 3 as least important. You will need to agree on the most important items, whatever those may be.
Budget the list. Assign an estimated price to each category or item, according to how much you are able and willing to spend. Consider cutting back on flowers in order to fund a sit-down dinner, for instance, or opt for a buffet-style dinner so you can invite more guests.
Listen to the lists. This is the time to be a good listener. Hear what your partner has to say about needs and wants; what is important to one of you may not be as important to the other. Financial compromise is a skill that will serve you throughout married life.
Data from loan services show that approximately 45% of couples racked up debt to pay for their wedding, and that ultimately the debt resulted in consideration of divorce. Nip that risk in the bud by avoiding debt when you assess your wedding expenses. A CFP® professional can help you think outside the box and guide you in making smart financial choices during the wedding planning process.
Visit LetsMakeAPlan.org for more information about managing wedding expenses and planning your financial future.
by Glenn Mollette, Guest Commentator
