The Sentinel: 02/13/25

Is modern dating really broken? A study says not really

Photo: Nathan Dumlao/Unsplash

(SNS)- Dating has never been easy.

It is hard because it involves navigating a complex mix of emotions, expectations, and external pressures. From high standards and fear of rejection to miscommunication and cultural influences, the challenges vary from person to person and relationship to relations.

Add into the mix social isolation created by technology, pandemic lockdowns and potential partners’ unrealistic expectations from movies and TV shows that show failling in love as effortless and magical, setting unrealistic expectations for real-life relationships. Yeah, finding the love your life is hard.

Pop culture critiques tend to regard today's dating ritual as "broken".

Two studies performed a decade apart found that college students' ideas about romantic relationships have largely remained unchanged over time, according to study leader Brian Ogolsky, a professor of human development and family studies at the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign.

couple dancing

Photo: Unsplash/Anthony Tran

"College students in our study did not share this perception of dating as a broken system, despite many massive cultural shifts during this decade," Ogolsky said, dispelling the popular myth that today's singles are unability to find a romantic partner because dating culture is 'broken'. "Their perspectives on relationships today aren’t that different from what they were 10 years ago — or even 10 years before that. Instead, young adults are taking more diverse and multifaceted pathways through romantic partnering and considering a broader range of outcomes."

The study asked 250 college students between the ages 18-29 to "describe their thoughts and experiences about the typical initiation and progression of romantic relationships." The initial research started in 2012 and it was ran again in 2021.

Based upon participants’ responses, the researchers identified four stages in relationship development: flirtationship, testing relationship potential, being in a relationship, and commitment.

Commitment or Bust, is the point where a couple agrees to a long-term commitment

Flirtationship is the initial stage where attraction begins, often through flirting and shared interests, either online or in person.

The next step is Testing Relationship Potential, where the couple spends more time together, engages in deep conversations, and determines if they want to pursue a serious relationship, with friendship playing a key role.

When a couple reaches the third stage, their romantic needs have been met and their status as a couple is made official. The "In a Relationship" level usually denotes that mutual boundaries have been defined, such as a commitment to exclusivity and supporting each other emotionally, financially, and in their individual careers. At this point, couples are introducing their partner into their social circles and family.

“Young adults clearly distinguish dating from being in a relationship,” Ogolsky told the Illinois News Bureau. “In our study, we used the term ‘relationship development’ to describe the activities we were investigating, but it became clear that participants did not view early behaviors as part of being in a relationship per se. Instead, they viewed flirting and even dating as part of a broader pattern of interpersonal interaction that may or may not eventually lead to the formation of a relationship.”

Depending on external pressure from family, friends, or their cultural background, the final stage, Commitment or Bust, is the point where a couple agrees to a long-term commitment, either living together or getting married. Or, in the worst case for one or both partners, they may choose to move on in search of their happily ever after with someone else.

Ogolsky speculated that during the ten year period, the rapid growth in social media and dating apps would greatly affect how today's students approached dating.

"When we ask people about relationship prototypes, they’re not talking about technology," he explained. "They’re thinking about relationships in broad strokes. And we found it interesting that the centerpiece of relationships was not dating apps, artificial intelligence or robots or all the other things we may have predicted 25 or 40 years ago."

Traditional relationship milestones like engagement and marriage are no longer seen as necessary next steps these days.

Today, more young adults value the freedom and flexibility of being single, enjoying the ability to make decisions without considering a spouse or partner. Many prioritize bucket lists - travel, personal development, and reaching career goals - before settling into a lifelong commitment.

Observing failed marriages among friends or family members, especially a messy one or two, is powerful deterant. According to the Centers for Disease Prevention and Control (CDC), the current divorce rate nationwide is around 42%. The average first marriage lasts about eight years.

Financial instability due to changing career changes, debt, inflation, and student loans payback often delay couples entering into marriage. The cost of a modest wedding for two hundred guests is eye-opening.

Traditional relationship milestones like engagement and marriage are no longer seen as necessary next steps these days. Couples are choosing alternative paths such as cohabitation or long-term partnerships without marriage. While the steps to long-term commitmment may have not deviated that much in the past decade, navigating to that point certainly has.

Commentary |
Christian congregations are standing up to cruelty. Why won’t politicians?

The Trump team has attacked bishops, Lutheran social service organizations, and other faith communities simply for following their social gospel.

by Peter Montgomery

OtherWords

Here’s a strange question: Why is Elon Musk lying about Lutherans?

The richest man on earth recently forced good people across the country to interrupt their community work to respond to his lies and threats.

Lutheran social service agencies offer crucial assistance related to adoption, foster care, domestic violence, and more. They also support immigrants and refugees, helping new Americans learn English, find homes and jobs, and settle into their new communities.

Like many nonprofits, they often get federal support to offer this help.

But in early February, as Musk’s “Department of Government Efficiency” was forcing its way into government, right-wing activist Michael Flynn posted on social media that federal contracts with Lutheran social services organizations amounted to “money laundering.”

Musk responded that DOGE was “rapidly shutting down these illegal payments.”

Neither Flynn nor Musk offered any evidence against these experienced and reputable social service providers. Instead, smearing Lutheran social services was seemingly just a tactic to justify massive cuts Musk wants to impose on social spending.

Already the administration’s spending freeze has disrupted these agencies’ work, causing “considerable harm to people who rely on critical services for shelter, food, and mental health services among other social supports,” according to Lutheran Services in America.

News outlets in Ohio, Nebraska, South Dakota, and elsewhere agreed, pointing out the range of good work being done by Lutheran social service agencies. But I don’t think Musk cares.

Using false claims to justify widespread harm seems to be the operating principle behind Musk’s cruel crusade. Consider the brutal dismantling of USAID carried out by Musk with President Trump’s support.

USAID has boosted U.S. influence around the world while providing desperately needed humanitarian assistance to fight disease, prevent starvation, and provide a lifeline to people displaced by political violence.

The agency enjoyed bipartisan support for this work for over 60 years. Then Musk and Trump suddenly (and illegally) shut it down, abruptly cutting off countless people from lifesaving support. Musk bragged heartlessly about “feeding USAID into the wood chipper.”

“In its simplest terms, the apparent demise of USAID is the result of the world’s richest man ending a program that helps millions of poor people,” wrote Father James Martin, a Jesuit priest and editor at large for America magazine, a Catholic publication. “You don’t need a Ph.D. in moral theology to see why this is an evil. You can just read Jesus’s parables on the rich and the poor.”

Lutherans aren’t the only people of faith being smeared. When Catholic bishops criticized a policy change to allow immigration agents to arrest people in churches, Vice President J.D. Vance suggested the bishops weren’t concerned about the human cost of these policies but about their own budgets.

Since then, no less than Pope Francis himself has condemned mass deportations and the dehumanizing rhetoric behind them.

Sadly, it’s no longer surprising to see conservative Christian activists attack and demean the faith of other Christians who disagree with the Trump team’s actions. When Episcopal Bishop Mariann Budde respectfully asked President Trump to show mercy toward immigrants, LGBTQ people, and their families, she became the target of vicious smears and threats.

Bishop Budde has stood her ground, but others have not.

Iowa Governor Kim Reynolds, whose state is home to the nation’s largest Lutheran congregation, refused to answer when a congressman asked if she believes Lutheran Family Services is a money laundering operation. Reynolds is smart enough to know it’s not, but she was unwilling, like many elected officials, to say anything that might invite the wrath of Trump or Musk.

The Americans who will be harmed by these lies deserve better than this senseless cruelty.

Peter Montgomery is a Senior Fellow at People for the American Way. This op-ed was distributed by OtherWords.org.

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Commentary |
Black History is every day, with or without the White House

Photo: Library of Congress/Unsplash

From local school boards to the White House, the right is doubling down on its efforts to erase Black history. They’ll fail.

by Tracey L. Rogers

OtherWords

It’s a trend that’s been building for a few years now.

Books by predominantly Black authors are being banned around the country. School curricula have been amended to skip the history lesson on slavery and racism. Critical Race Theory (CRT) — and anything that vaguely looks like it — is under attack. And the concept of “wokeness” has been misconstrued and weaponized.

During a speech at Howard University in 1965, President Johnson said that Black Americans were “still buried under a blanket of history and circumstance.”

Fast-forward to February 2025 and there’s been a doubling down on these attempts to erase Black history. President Trump’s anti-DEI, anti-“woke” rhetoric has led major companies and even many federal agencies to avoid observing Black History Month.

As I consider the president’s campaign promise to “make America great again,” I wonder if he means to make America “white” again.

From failing to condemn white supremacists for their violent march in Charlottesville, Virginia during his first term to blaming “diversity hires” for January’s plane crash in Washington, D.C. this year, Trump and his allies seem to have a difficult time acknowledging the diversity that actually makes this country great.

This has been especially true for Black people feeling the brunt of his Executive Orders. These haven’t just eliminated recent diversity and inclusion initiatives — one even rescinded an Executive Order signed by President Lyndon B. Johnson to end discriminatory practices mostly aimed at Black Americans.

During a speech at Howard University in 1965, President Johnson said that Black Americans were “still buried under a blanket of history and circumstance.” Following widespread protests, it was Johnson who signed the landmark Civil Rights Act and Voting Rights Act into law. Now both historic milestones are under threat by the attempts of Trump and many others to erode the social and economic gains made by Black Americans.

It’s as if we are reliving a time akin to the nadir of race relations in America — the period after Reconstruction, when white supremacists regained power and tried to reverse the progress Black Americans made after the emancipation of enslaved people.

There is nothing comfortable about the history of Black Americans — it’s a history that shatters the myth of American exceptionalism.

Today, from the U.S. Air Force removing coursework on the Tuskegee Airmen to orders by many federal agencies, including the military, canceling Black History Month celebrations, these extreme rollbacks will set a new precedent impacting all minority groups.

I can’t help but to return to sentiments shared by The 1619 Project founder Nikole Hannah-Jones: “The same instinct that led powerful people to prohibit Black people from being able to read,” she wrote, is also “leading powerful people to try to stop our children from learning histories that would lead them to question the unequal society that we have as well.”

There is nothing comfortable about the history of Black Americans — it’s a history that shatters the myth of American exceptionalism. Nevertheless, Black history is American history. Instead of banning it, we must teach it.

It would be impossible to erase the legacy of Black people in this country. Ours is a legacy that endures — one that will continue to endure no matter who’s in the White House.

One thing Black people are going to do is to be Black — and proud. We don’t need a month to know that we stand on the shoulders of giants.

Having overcome enslavement, Jim Crow, and more, our striving to thrive in a country with so-called leaders who would prefer to keep us living on the margins only exemplifies the America we aspire to. And it’s a fight that’s made this country better for struggling people of all races.

Like it or not, Black history is every day.

Tracey L. Rogers is an entrepreneur and Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion consultant in Philadelphia. This op-ed was distributed by OtherWords.org.

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Stark County's Lauren Best makes the best of a difficult situation

Photo: IHSA/Matt Troha

Stark County senior Lauren Best in the school's band room

IHSA - Sometimes a name just fits.

That’s the case for Stark County High School senior Lauren Best.

Lauren is the most decorated musician in the history of Stark County High School, a school of approximately 230 students located in Toulon, about 45 minutes northwest of Peoria.

Photo: IHSA/Matt Troha

She is an academic standout who is in contention to be her class valedictorian this spring, while also partaking in a laundry list of extracurricular and community involvement, including robotics, Girl Scouts, and volunteering at her church just to name a few.

“Lauren’s name literally says it all, she really is the best!” said Stark County music director Sophia Elswick. “I didn’t get the honor of seeing her grow up, but I have seen her grow so much over the last year. I am going to cry when she graduates.”

Despite the growth that Elswick has witnessed in Lauren over the last year, it’s important to note that the senior started from an uncanny position of maturity for someone her age. Lauren is the IHSA’s 2025 nominee for the NFHS Heart of the Arts Award, based on the leadership and unbridled passion she showed in helping to keep the Stark County music program afloat during the first semester of her junior year.

The hiring pool is exponentially slimmer in small rural communities and districts like our own.

“I think the main thing that led me to step up was that I was, and still am, very passionate about the program,” said Lauren. “I had already been somewhat of a leader in the music program previously. It just came naturally to me to step up, and nobody had any opposition to it.”

Following Lauren’s sophomore year, Stark County’s long-time band and choir director retired, but her replacement quit unexpectedly just a few weeks into the 2023 school year.

From September of 2023 until January of 2024, when Elswick stepped in to take over the role, a group of then juniors led by Lauren filled the leadership role to keep the Stark County high school music programs going.

“Teacher shortages are a growing concern, particularly in specialized fields like art and music,” said Stark County Principal Megan McGann. “The hiring pool is exponentially slimmer in small rural communities and districts like our own. As our administration worked diligently to fill the music teacher's role, the shortage weighed heavily on our fine arts students. Lauren’s leadership, alongside her fellow classmates, made all the difference during that time.”

While there was always a substitute teacher in the room, some were not musically inclined, which led Lauren to take the reins and help guide the class. From pulling out the music, to making sure the instruments were set up, to planning the songs they would practice and deciding when they sounded good enough, Lauren and a few other students took the lead.

“There were some days where it was hard to get everyone motivated,” said Lauren. “In band, I knew that we just needed to continue to play. Whether that was practicing songs we already knew or trying to add new songs. It was more of a problem in choir. I was the only student in the class who played piano, so I was able to play piano and lead rehearsals that way.”

Lauren’s responsibilities didn’t end at school either, as she helped to coordinate the band for home football games, including serving as the conductor of the National Anthem, which Lauren says can be a “tricky” song due to the fermata pauses within it.

Lauren saw to it that the show would go on, saying “she needed it as a part of her high school experience”.

“I had to communicate a lot with our principal (McGann),” said Lauren. “There were a lot of details that our teachers took care of that we never thought about. Our home football games are played near the Stark County Elementary School in Wyoming, so things like having a bus to transport the instruments and music were new challenges. We built a bridge between the band and administration to make sure those things happened.”

One thing that was not going to happen as fall turned to winter in 2023 was the annual school Christmas concert program. But Lauren saw to it that the show would go on, saying “she needed it as a part of her high school experience”. Lauren also credits one of the substitute teachers, Dr. Wally Parks, for his assistance in making sure the program happened. The Christmas concert gave Elswick, who had already been hired by Stark County, but was still awaiting her college graduation to officially begin teaching, a sneak peek at her future students.

“I didn’t know what I was going to see that night, but I came away really impressed, especially knowing what was going on behind the scenes,” said Elswick. “During the interview process, I was told I was inheriting a dedicated group of students, as well as being told specifically about Lauren and her awesomeness. Short of taking attendance and grading, Lauren was doing my job while being a high school student and getting her Associate Degree (from Blackhawk College).”

Stark County student Lauren Best

Photo: IHSA/Matt Troha

Elswick’s arrival didn’t necessarily bring an end to Best’s leadership role, as the new teacher worked out a plan with the district to have Lauren serve as her Teacher Assistant with the burgeoning junior high music program, which boasts over 50 members.

“Most schools are able to have more than one music teacher, so they can work on multiple instrument groups at the same time,” said Elswick. “Lauren has been a godsend for the junior high program and the kids LOVE her! She has set a standard that my future students are going to attempt to uphold.”

Lauren believes the leadership and passion that she showed during what should have been a trying semester can be traced to three seminal musical influences in her life. She cites her childhood piano teacher Jennfier Nutzhorn, as well as her school music directors Brenda Macke and Angie Roark as her “musical inspirations.” Elswick is quickly gaining ground as well.

“It was such a relief when Ms. Elswick arrived,” said Lauren. “She brought a lot of leadership and fun back into the band and choir programs.”

That has allowed Best to be a student, mostly, throughout her senior year. She is looking forward to the IHSA Music State Series Solo & Ensemble State Series this spring. A gifted clarinet player, pianist, and singer, she has performed 33 total solo and ensemble pieces thus far in her IHSA Music career, receiving a perfect rating of 1 on all 33. She plans to set her attention to Industrial Engineering at Iowa State University next fall, but music will always be a big part of her life.

“I enjoy being in the music room every day,” said Lauren. “For me, music is a stress reliever. Music is where I met so many of my close friends. Music has given me so much and will always be an important part of my life.”