The Sentinel: Relationships

Is modern dating really broken? A study says not really

Photo: Nathan Dumlao/Unsplash

(SNS)- Dating has never been easy.

It is hard because it involves navigating a complex mix of emotions, expectations, and external pressures. From high standards and fear of rejection to miscommunication and cultural influences, the challenges vary from person to person and relationship to relations.

Add into the mix social isolation created by technology, pandemic lockdowns and potential partners’ unrealistic expectations from movies and TV shows that show failling in love as effortless and magical, setting unrealistic expectations for real-life relationships. Yeah, finding the love your life is hard.

Pop culture critiques tend to regard today's dating ritual as "broken".

Two studies performed a decade apart found that college students' ideas about romantic relationships have largely remained unchanged over time, according to study leader Brian Ogolsky, a professor of human development and family studies at the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign.

couple dancing

Photo: Unsplash/Anthony Tran

"College students in our study did not share this perception of dating as a broken system, despite many massive cultural shifts during this decade," Ogolsky said, dispelling the popular myth that today's singles are unability to find a romantic partner because dating culture is 'broken'. "Their perspectives on relationships today aren’t that different from what they were 10 years ago — or even 10 years before that. Instead, young adults are taking more diverse and multifaceted pathways through romantic partnering and considering a broader range of outcomes."

The study asked 250 college students between the ages 18-29 to "describe their thoughts and experiences about the typical initiation and progression of romantic relationships." The initial research started in 2012 and it was ran again in 2021.

Based upon participants’ responses, the researchers identified four stages in relationship development: flirtationship, testing relationship potential, being in a relationship, and commitment.

Commitment or Bust, is the point where a couple agrees to a long-term commitment

Flirtationship is the initial stage where attraction begins, often through flirting and shared interests, either online or in person.

The next step is Testing Relationship Potential, where the couple spends more time together, engages in deep conversations, and determines if they want to pursue a serious relationship, with friendship playing a key role.

When a couple reaches the third stage, their romantic needs have been met and their status as a couple is made official. The "In a Relationship" level usually denotes that mutual boundaries have been defined, such as a commitment to exclusivity and supporting each other emotionally, financially, and in their individual careers. At this point, couples are introducing their partner into their social circles and family.

“Young adults clearly distinguish dating from being in a relationship,” Ogolsky told the Illinois News Bureau. “In our study, we used the term ‘relationship development’ to describe the activities we were investigating, but it became clear that participants did not view early behaviors as part of being in a relationship per se. Instead, they viewed flirting and even dating as part of a broader pattern of interpersonal interaction that may or may not eventually lead to the formation of a relationship.”

Depending on external pressure from family, friends, or their cultural background, the final stage, Commitment or Bust, is the point where a couple agrees to a long-term commitment, either living together or getting married. Or, in the worst case for one or both partners, they may choose to move on in search of their happily ever after with someone else.

Ogolsky speculated that during the ten year period, the rapid growth in social media and dating apps would greatly affect how today's students approached dating.

"When we ask people about relationship prototypes, they’re not talking about technology," he explained. "They’re thinking about relationships in broad strokes. And we found it interesting that the centerpiece of relationships was not dating apps, artificial intelligence or robots or all the other things we may have predicted 25 or 40 years ago."

Traditional relationship milestones like engagement and marriage are no longer seen as necessary next steps these days.

Today, more young adults value the freedom and flexibility of being single, enjoying the ability to make decisions without considering a spouse or partner. Many prioritize bucket lists - travel, personal development, and reaching career goals - before settling into a lifelong commitment.

Observing failed marriages among friends or family members, especially a messy one or two, is powerful deterant. According to the Centers for Disease Prevention and Control (CDC), the current divorce rate nationwide is around 42%. The average first marriage lasts about eight years.

Financial instability due to changing career changes, debt, inflation, and student loans payback often delay couples entering into marriage. The cost of a modest wedding for two hundred guests is eye-opening.

Traditional relationship milestones like engagement and marriage are no longer seen as necessary next steps these days. Couples are choosing alternative paths such as cohabitation or long-term partnerships without marriage. While the steps to long-term commitmment may have not deviated that much in the past decade, navigating to that point certainly has.

Relationships & Dating |
Wonder if it is worth it or should I just bow out

Whether you’re swiping through apps or deep into a decades-long partnership, dating and relationships are as unique as the stars in the heavens. Sometimes we all can use a little help, shared wisdom, or inspiration with our love lives.

Hi all -

I find myself in dire need of sincere counsel, as I am increasingly convinced that my romantic life has taken on the unfortunate semblance of a rom-com wherein I alone remain bereft of the script. I'm 31, will defend my thesis this May, and have a great job lined-up.

My boyfriend, aged 32, embodies the quintessential extrovert—gregarious, enamored with nightlife, and perpetually surrounded by a coterie of approximately twenty friends who reside in close proximity and convene incessantly. Initially, I admired his vivacity and character.

In stark contrast, I possess a solitary confidant and derive immense satisfaction from tranquil evenings accompanied by my piano and Netflix. For New Year's, he wanted to party with his bros all night, which didn't interest me. I spent the evening feeling lonely and wishing I had someone who’d rather stay in with me and watch movies or something.

Here’s the thing: I try so hard to be a good girlfriend. I'm kind, supportive, thoughtful, and I even play video games with him - and I hate them if I'm honest. Truth be told, sometimes it feels like he doesn’t appreciate me at all. I'm over here feeling like I’m putting in 110% and getting… what, exactly? A guy who splits the bill 50/50 on the rare occasion we go out and spends half the time on his phone or gaming, ignoring mostly.

While certain positive attributes persist—he exhibits amiability, shares wonderful moments of laughter, and occasionally bestows modest tokens of affection—the accumulation of negative indicators cannot be ignored. His irritability, indolence, and predilection for hanging out with female friends several nights a week, including one for whom he formerly harbored romantic inclinations, gets under my skin.

So, here’s my question: Am I overthinking this, or is this relationship just not it? Should I stick it out and hope things get better, or is it time to cut my losses and find someone who actually wants to stay in on a Friday night?

My family and friends all think that I'm way out of his league - appearance and personality wise. Help a girl out, because I’m starting to think they might be right.

Should I stay, or should go

Do you have some solid advice for Should I stay, or should go? Drop us a note—we’d love to include your wisdom here so others can benefit from it too.

Frustrated with your dating track record? Send us your story for our next Relationship & Dating column. Email us your advice or your story at editor@oursentinel.com Don't worry-we won't use your real name or location. Your identity is safe with us.

Guest Commentary |
Cutting ties with a friend or relative is difficult

by Glenn Mollette, Guest Commentator

We live in an age of addiction and dysfunctional personalities. Lives and families are shattered every day by drug addiction, gambling addictions, pornography, alcoholism and more. Some people have anger issues and live daily lashing out at people and loved ones. Many people have serious mental health issues and need help and often refuse to get help. All of these issues and many more can be impactful on friendships and relationships. It takes a lot of patience and work to survive such a relationship.

Sometimes we hang in there because we feel it’s the noble thing to do. We try to stick with our kids and be there when they need us. We try to hang tight with our parents in their golden years just in case they need us. We stick with a spouse or significant other out of love or a commitment to see life through to the end.

Most of the time we don’t give in unless someone becomes very bad, mean, evil, or is totally wrecking our lives. When this happens then we have to make a decision. How do we stay in relationship with this person? The individual could be a friend, spouse, significant other or a relative. Most people try for a long time but there comes a point if someone is totally wrecking your life then you have to have a serious discussion with the person. If this doesn’t work then you have to go a different direction. You have to make a new plan Stan, as Paul Simon said in a song.

As a Christian, I know God doesn’t give up on us and we don’t give up on people.

Often making a decision to cut ties with a friend or relative is difficult and painful, but there comes a time when mental sanity requires that you make the difficult decision. Once you have made it then there is usually a feeling of relief. Some guilt may follow but not likely if you tried to be a good and fair person and extend as much grace as possible.

No one goes into marriage thinking about divorce but on occasion the battle to make it work is like saving the Titanic from sinking. It’s not going to happen.

This happens with friends, children, and even parents. I agree, “Nothing is Impossible with God.” Keep in mind that you aren’t God and while you may be committed to him in faith, it takes two people to make a relationship work.

it's true that winners never quit and quitters never win but winners don’ beat their heads on a fence post either. Try hard. Work hard. Forgive multiple times. Extend grace. Pray. Look to the Bible for guidance. Get counsel. Have long talks. Cry. Try begging. If your life is still swirling downward because of the negativity involving “whoever” the other person is then, “hop on the bus Gus, and drop off the key Lee,” as Simon also said.

As a Christian, I know God doesn’t give up on us and we don’t give up on people. This doesn’t mean we have to be in union with them or continue to be abased personally by their actions.

Live in peace, joy and harmony with all people, as much as possible and all times, if possible, Just realize that maybe pushing a rope is not easy. Changing the course of the Mississippi River might be easier and some people you simply have to release to God and walk away.

He is the author of 13 books including Uncommom Sense, the Spiritual Chocolate series, Grandpa's Store, Minister's Guidebook insights from a fellow minister. His column is published weekly in over 600 publications in all 50 states. The views expressed are those of the author and are not necessarily representative of any other group or organization. We welcome comments and views from our readers. Submit your letters to the editor or commentary on a current event 24/7 to editor@oursentinel.com.

ViewPoint | Choose your company carefully

by Glenn Mollette, Guest Commentator

A friend will do his best to prevent you from driving off a cliff. Your enemy will give you directions to the cliff and happily watch you plunge to your destruction. A friend cares enough to caution you about financial decisions or bad investments. Your enemy will be glad to see you lose your money. Your friend will warn you about a snake in the path. Your enemy will tell you to enjoy your walk.

A friend cares enough to help. Your enemy will let you sink. Thirty years ago, I made a move. I had a house payment in one town and an apartment rent in my new location. I had two car payments, a very sick wife and two small children. The financial burden was tough. I met with a group of 8 to 10 men every Thursday morning at 6 AM for prayer. These men prayed for me but came to me one day and said, “We’re going to collect $300 to $400.a month to give to you until you sell your house. I was surprised, thankful but declined the offer. They insisted. One man spoke up and said, “We’re not going to sit here and watch you sink.” I was very close to just giving my house back to the bank but fortunately I was able to sell it eventually and gained enough money to make a down payment on a house in my new location.

Your friend may not be able to save you. However, your friend will try to save you from sinking. Your enemy will find humor in your demise.

Your friend will not barrage you with your past mistakes. A real friend puts the past behind and moves forward. The only good thing about remembering past mistakes is so you won’t repeat them. Your enemy delights in rehashing ancient history when you failed, divorced, folded, went crazy and more. Your friend will focus with you on today. They will celebrate your current life and activities.

The Bible says the Devil is like a roaring lion seeking whom he might devour. Often, his most effective work is discouraging us and immobilizing our lives. The work of God is forgiving, forgetting, cleansing, burying and looking ahead to the goal line. The work of evil is to take you back to your old sins and failures.

The Bible talks about forgetting those things which are behind. The scriptures teach that God through Christ cleanses us of all our sins. He buries our sins in the depths of the sea to be remembered no more. God doesn’t remember them, so why do you worry about a failure that happened a hundred years ago? Remember Lot’s wife? She looked back and turned into a pillar of salt. Looking back turns us into salt or immobilizes us from going forward. You can’t go forward looking over your shoulder. The Bible says press toward the goal line. This means you look forward.

Choose who you spend time your time with very carefully. Live looking forward and avoid those who want to keep you looking back.

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Moving on: When it's time to break up with a friend?

Photo: Tyler Nix/Unsplash

"Sometimes letting go is the first step toward creating a stronger friendship circle."

Holding on to a friendship that you aren't genuinely interested in maintaining can lead to resentment.

Brandpoint - Friendships are an essential part of living a fulfilling life.

Charles and Viktor (both names changed to protect their identities) had been friends for over a decade. Drinking buddies and lacrosse teammates in college, they found jobs in the same city. With similar interests, they became close friends.

A few years before the 2020 election, Charles started to change. His political views became increasingly intolerable. Viktor's wife could no longer stand to be around Charles, as his misogynistic and racist comments were a source of constant disgust and discussion.

Just like any other relationship, some friends are only meant to be part of your life for a reason or a season, rather than a lifetime. The problem is, no one really talks about how to evaluate your friendships and let go of the ones that are no longer adding value to your life.

While an overwhelming majority (77%) of respondents in a recent Bumble For Friends survey* believe that friends are one of the main factors to a happy and healthy life, 42% have never intentionally evaluated the existing friendships in their lives, and 1 in 4 (25%) agree that they are stuck in outdated friendships that no longer serve them.

Danielle Bayard Jackson, Bumble For Friends’ friendship expert, shares her advice on how to intentionally assess your friendships so that you can find peace in letting go of the ones you’ve outgrown. She suggests starting by asking yourself these questions:

Does the friendship feel like an obligation?

Many people have circumstantial friendships, meaning relationships that are mostly based on convenience, such as taking the same classes or having the same hobbies. Bumble For Friends’ survey* found that 1 in 3 (35%) people have these kinds of friendships — they're common, and they add value to life by offering a certain kind of companionship. However, when these friendships become obligatory, meaning that you maintain them out of a sense of duty, it’s time to reassess.

Why are you maintaining the friendship?

It took almost a year for Charles and Viktor to go on their own separate ways. They would talk on holidays and occasionally do lunch a couple of times a year to catch up. Vicky was happy, and Viktor felt relieved he no longer had to endure his friend's ultra-right banter.

One of the most common reasons why people hold on to friendships that no longer serve them is that they feel they owe it to history. They may also feel scared that if they let a friendship go, they’ll have a hard time finding new friendships. If the reasons you’ve elected to keep a friendship don't include a value-add to your life, then it might be time to mend or end the relationship.

What is maintaining the friendship costing you?

Holding on to a friendship that you aren’t genuinely interested in maintaining can lead to resentment, as you’re investing time, energy and emotional bandwidth that you most likely can’t afford. It can also impact your other friendships, as you’re dedicating space that you could be using on friends that fill your cup. There are only so many hours in the day, so it’s important to focus on friendships that positively impact your life.

If you decide that it’s time to part ways with the friendship, Jackson recommends a three-step formula for approaching the conversation:

Show that you’re intentional about the decision. Say, “Listen, I’ve been thinking a lot lately….”
Address your needs without blaming the other person. Use ‘I’ statements as much as you can; rather than “you are never there for me when I need you...,” try saying, “I need friendships in my life that can prioritize and support me in times of need.”
Tell them how much you appreciate them and what your intention is for moving forward. This could be, “I have appreciated our friendship so much, and you have been such an integral part of my life. However, I won’t be able to show up in this friendship in the same way that I have before.”

“Sometimes letting go is the first step toward creating a stronger friendship circle,” says Jackson. “Ending a friendship that no longer fits doesn't make you mean or disloyal. Instead, it creates space for the both of you to be better positioned to invite new connections into your lives.”

If things have changed in your life and you feel like you've maybe outgrown a friendship, Jackson suggests intentionally doing things to form new friendships — whether that be joining group activities, asking friends of friends to tag along to their next event, or downloading Bumble For Friends, the friendship-finding mode on the Bumble app. By putting yourself out there, you’ll be on the right track to creating a stronger social circle around you.

For more expert advice on building (and maintaining) strong friendships, visit bumble.com/bff.

*Research was commissioned by Bumble and carried out online by Censuswide in February 2023 amongst a sample of more than 1,000 US adults who have either attended college or are currently in college.

Guest Commentary: The more you sow, the more you will reap

by Glenn Mollette, Guest Commentator

If you want a friend, be a friend. There is never a guarantee. However, if you do not put anything into a friendship it’s certain the friendship will never grow.

Keep in mind that friendships take time. The Bible says a man of too many friends will soon come to ruin,” Proverbs 18:24. Why is this? Because too much time maintaining too many friends doesn’t allow you the time you need to work your job, spend time with your family, do your school work, life work and take care of your business. If a person has ten or twenty friends to spend time with every week or even month, they will eventually neglect their family or careers.

The key is balance. Invest in people with your time and life and some of it will come back to you from others. Sometimes it won’t this is why you have to be realistic in building your network of friends and relationships.

Many years ago, a prospective student called about enrolling in our school and asked, "If I enroll in this school will I get anything out of it?" I said, "If you don’t put anything into it, you won’t get anything out of it. If you put a lot into it, then you’ll get a lot out of it." The man enrolled and went on to become a President of a college.

Growing up, I remember my relatives being hard workers. Some of them raised amazing gardens, while keeping their property clean and maintained. It took work but they took pride in their homes and how they lived their lives. They put a lot into where they lived and it showed.

If you put a lot into something it shows. Your marriage, job, children, career and your life in general. School work will reflect your effort. If you put money into an Individual Retirement Account or 401k or 403b every month your wealth will eventually grow and reflect your efforts. Social Security income checks reflect years worked and how much paid into the system.

However, anyone can put a lot into something without experiencing success. Businesses, marriages and careers have come short or even failed even though people invested everything. Often there are other factors beyond our control that all the work and focus will not resolve or overcome. You can’t control what other people may or may not do that impacts your life’s work and ambitions.

With this said, we have to remember the principle of reaping and sowing. If you want a good garden. You have to sow and care for the garden. Neglecting the garden is a sure path to failure.

Important aspects to relationships, wealth, health, career success and more are focus and investing wisely. The more you sow, the more you will reap. You can’t control all of life’s circumstances and influencers but you can control what you do.

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Dr. Glenn Mollette is a syndicated American columnist and author of American Issues, Every American Has An Opinion and ten other books. He is read in all 50 states. The views expressed are those of the author and are not necessarily representative of any other group or organization.

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This article is the sole opinions of the author and does not necessarily reflect the views of The Sentinel. We welcome comments and views from our readers. Submit your letters to the editor or commentary on a current event 24/7 to editor@oursentinel.com.

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Vacci-Dating: Is it wise to share your vaccination status online?

by Victoria Knight
Kaiser Health News

Photo by Alireza Helmi/Unsplash

As cold weather descended upon Washington, D.C., last fall, I deleted my dating apps.

I had tried a few video-chat dates when the pandemic was new last spring. They were fun and novel at the time, and felt like a “quarantine experience.” By summer, I went on several physically distant dates in the park.

But once the temperature started dropping, meeting outside lost its appeal. First dates are awkward enough without shivering as your breath freezes to your mask, all while trying to uncover the title of someone’s favorite book. So I bailed.

Something happened recently, though, that made me return to the dating app world. A local website published an article about people announcing their vaccination status in dating app profiles. Other news outlets followed. I had to see it with my own eyes.

So, I redownloaded my favorite apps: Hinge, Bumble and Tinder. I disclosed in my bio that I was a journalist working on a story about people announcing their vaccination status in dating profiles. Then, I spent the next three hours madly swiping.

Wen gave me the reality check I expected, and kind of deserved.

Lo and behold, I found several 20- and 30-somethings proudly displaying their vaccine status. One wrote at the top of his profile, "I got both doses of the Pfizer, Covid vaccine!" Another said, "im covid19 free got vaccinated too."

I messaged them all. Noel, a nurse who lives in the D.C. area, got back to me. He said he put "COVID vaccinated" in his bio as a statement for what he stands for. (KHN is not identifying Noel by his last name because he’s concerned about being identified by his employer.)

“I take very seriously the responsibility to care for myself in order to keep others safe,” he wrote. Noel, who has received both vaccine doses already, said his status announcement has gotten him only positive responses so far. Some people even seemed reassured by it.

It made me wonder: Should this declaration give people the peace of mind to start increasing the frequency of in-person dates? When considering whether to meet up with someone who is vaccinated versus unvaccinated, vaccinated does sound safer. It even initially gave me a spark of hope. But should it?

I polled a few friends who use dating apps. They told me they had indeed spotted the same trend. One who lives in Los Angeles is even going on a FaceTime date with a guy who had "PS I’m vaccinated" in his Hinge bio. She still opted for a video chat, though. "Can’t they still be carriers even if they’re vaccinated?" she texted me.

The next day, I called Dr. Leana Wen, an emergency room physician, public health expert and visiting professor at George Washington University.

I asked her what those of us who might be swiping on the apps should think if we come across someone who advertises that they have been vaccinated.

First, Wen gave me the reality check I expected, and kind of deserved.

"It’s not a free pass," she said. "We don’t know whether ‘if’ somebody is vaccinated means they will no longer be a carrier of coronavirus. They may still be able to infect you even if they are safe from coronavirus themselves."

Studies have shown that the Moderna, Pfizer-BioNTech and Johnson & Johnson vaccines, the three vaccines currently available in the U.S. under emergency use authorizations, significantly reduce covid symptoms and are effective in preventing hospitalizations and death from the disease. But it’s still possible for those who are vaccinated to get sick with covid. And research is pending on how great the risk is that those who are vaccinated can carry the virus and pass it on to others.

Dr. Anthony Fauci, director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, said in a recent White House covid-19 press briefing that early studies from Spain and Israel indicate vaccination seems to lead to lower viral loads in the body, which can mean a fully inoculated person is less likely to pass covid on to someone else. But questions remain about transmissibility.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommends that those who are vaccinated continue to wear masks and maintain physical distance as the vaccine rollout proceeds. Public health experts also point to the emerging covid variants that are finding a foothold in the U.S. The available vaccines appear to be less effective against the variants, another reason for people to be vigilant.

Wen said if two unvaccinated parties who match on a dating app want to meet up, they should take the precautions we’ve heard about since the beginning of the pandemic: meet outdoors, keep 6 feet apart and ask about your favorite book from behind a face-fitting mask.

If both unvaccinated people eventually want to meet indoors, she added, and they both live alone, they could. But it is not exactly a romantic process. They could quarantine for several days. Then both could get a covid test and, as long as they both have negative results, meet up.

However, if you’re like me and live with roommates, and especially if your new paramour also lives with others, too, then that adds more layers of complications.

"Then you take on the risk of all those individuals that live in the other house," said Wen. "Let’s say all those other people have relationships with someone else, who then have extended networks too. Now your pandemic pod is not with four roommates, it’s potentially with dozens of individuals."

"You’re only as safe as the highest-risk person," she added.

There is one silver lining, though, said Wen. She believes if two people are vaccinated they can safely get together.

"We don’t know this for certain, but here’s what I would say for people who are vaccinated and live alone," said Wen. "I actually think you could pretty safely see somebody else who is vaccinated."

If it’s not something the person is willing to discuss, then perhaps they aren’t someone with whom you want to meet up.

Wen issued this advice, she said, with the assumption that both people are trying to mitigate their covid transmission risk by wearing masks in public, washing hands, minimizing social circles and not frequenting indoor spaces. Matches should discuss what safety precautions they’re taking before meeting up.

This recommendation also applies to us unvaccinated daters — we should all be having open conversations with our matches about what covid precautions we’re taking and in what circumstances we would feel comfortable meeting in person.

Think about this open communication the way you would talk to a potential sexual partner about the precautions you’re taking to prevent sexually transmitted infections or pregnancy. If it’s not something the person is willing to discuss, then perhaps they aren’t someone with whom you want to meet up.

But, never fear. As eligibility for the covid vaccine opens up to groups that may include younger people, it’s likely vaccine status will gain more prominence in dating profiles. While vaccines were initially limited to health care workers, long-term care facility residents and those 65 and older, eligibility categories in some states are widening to include other essential workers and people with underlying medical conditions.

It also seems possible that dating app companies may eventually roll out a feature to select or highlight your vaccination status in your profile, rather than having to write it in the bio, said Jennifer Reich, a sociology professor at the University of Colorado-Denver, who studies vaccine attitudes.

"I think we could imagine a range of things around covid. We could imagine fields about working from home, vaccine status, antibody status," said Reich. "Adding these to your profile could help users figure out how they want to manage risk in their lives and what levels of risk they want to take."

As for me, now that the dating apps are downloaded on my phone again, maybe I’ll give video dates another shot. At least until it’s summer again or I get my own vaccine — whichever comes first.

Still single? Five tips for the online dating scene

StatePoint Media

Trying out online dating for the first time or frustrated by the experience?

Below are five online dating tips from Andrea McGinty, premier dating expert and founder of 33 Thousand Dates, a coaching platform designed to help millennial and Gen X women and men navigate online dating. In her 20+ years as a matchmaker, McGinty arranged over 33,000 dates, so it’s safe to say she knows a thing or two about dating successfully!

Photo: Farah/Burst

1. Enlist help. With over 104 million singles in America and over 30 million dating online, your online dating profile needs to stand out. A dating expert can help you craft a profile you’re proud of – and one that isn’t full of clichés like "long walks on the beach." You hire professionals to help you exercise, clean and shop, so why not hire a dating pro to help reflect your individuality? At 33 Thousand Dates, for example, they take a personalized, proactive approach and handle the heavy lifting so that clients can have all the fun.

2. Refresh your photos. Time to cull from the thousands of photos saved on your phone for five to 10 terrific shots. If they're more than a year old or low-resolution, consider scheduling a photoshoot with a friend or a professional. Pose in natural light, ideally outdoors, and show off your smile. Avoid selfies and sunglasses, and include at least one full body shot that conveys your interests, whether you’re hiking, doing a tree pose, or walking along the shore. For men, shirts on unless it's a great surf shot or you're spiking a volleyball on the beach. Lastly, most photos should be solo – pets are warm and welcoming, but limit the shots including friends or family.

3. Be proactive. Start with only one or two dating platforms. You can add more later, but you don't want to be overwhelmed by all the "likes" you’ll receive! Once live, don’t wait for messages to bombard you. Instead, use the platform’s filters so you see the type of people you’re looking for – don't be shy about knowing what you want!

"After coaching thousands of people and playing a part in 4,200 marriages, I've found that those with the highest level of dating success proactively work the system in person and online," says McGinty.

4. Arrange video chats. Set up short virtual dates to determine whether you’re willing to meet in person. Keep conversations to 10 minutes – this is enough time to get a feel for personality, looks and mannerisms. Ask important questions early to ensure your values align, and remember, chemistry only comes in person!

5. Have fun. Now it's time for the good stuff! Arrange drinks, coffee or brunch al fresco – these dates are less pressure, more relaxed and don't drag on. If you’re ready to leave, say you have errands to run or evening plans. A coach can help with this part, too – 33 Thousand Dates offers expert advice on how to communicate and follow up on dates. Keep in mind, you're seeing if you like the person enough to go on a second date, not marry them! And if it doesn't go well, those millions of other singles are waiting to meet you.

For more tips and to learn more about enlisting help from pros, visit 33000dates.com.

Don’t continue to tread water. Take proactive steps now to date online with confidence.