For non-traditional families routines are key to successful parenting

by Tim Ditman
OSF Healthcare

Dr. Jill Schreiber
OSF Healthcare

ALTON - Helping children feel comfortable in their home will lead to healthier and more successful times during those formative years. But it’s easier said than done, especially for non-traditional families. That’s why Jill Schreiber, LCSW, Ph.D., an OSF HealthCare psychotherapist, is making parents aware of resources and best practices.

Defining caregiving

Dr. Schreiber says while families look different across the world, in the United States a traditional family is seen as a mother, father and children. A mom and dad with adopted children would also fall into this category because the kids are a permanent part of the home.

A non-traditional family is any unit that falls outside of the traditional definition. Examples include parents who have divorced and re-married other partners, grandparents caring for kids, two moms or two dads in a family, adults co-parenting and children in care. Dr. Schreiber says children in care is the modern, accepted way of describing foster children, or children who are in a home temporarily. The adults are simply called caregivers, not foster parents. Dr. Schreiber, herself, is a former caregiver to children in care and a parent of adopted children.

Establishing routines

Dr. Schreiber says routines allow life to be “less chaotic and more predictable.” Settling into routines will take time. But Dr. Schreiber says when a child enters a new home, it can be scary. So having some structure right away is a good idea. Talk to the child about when it’s time to sleep, eat, do chores, do homework and have play time. For example, run through the morning routine – getting out of bed, having breakfast, getting ready in the bathroom and heading to school. Same for the wind down at the end of the day.

Keep in mind that there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. Certain parts of the year, like back-to-school season, are busier. Kids with attention deficits, for example, may need more help sticking to routines. A child who always got dinner from the gas station may not know what setting the dinner table is all about.

“Adjusting is constant,” Dr. Schreiber says. “Kids continue to evolve, develop and get older. You quit having naps, for example. You have to develop new routines as you go along.”

As the child adjusts, it’s good to review successes and struggles to modify expectations. Routines also may be different in different homes.

Don’t forget the essentials

While it may not fit the definition of a routine, Dr. Schreiber says non-traditional families should also have essentials for their children. Those things we take for granted are just as important to make the youngsters feel comfortable: working heat, air conditioning, plumbing and lights; safety items like smoke detectors; keeping items like guns locked away.

“It’s helpful for kids to have their own space, and it’s helpful for kids to know where their space is,” Dr. Schreiber adds.

“Kids who have come into care often come with garbage bags of their possessions. That’s such a tough symbol for children to feel like their stuff is garbage. So, to help them put their stuff into drawers or onto shelves is a really important step to show their value and connection to the family.”

Resources for parents

Parents who need help setting up routines can talk to a mental health professional, read a parenting book or take a parenting class. There are also “parent networks” like online forums where you can exchange advice. Those informal “networks” could also take the form of bonafide support groups. Your state’s child welfare agency may also offer tips. In fact, caregivers of children in care must undergo formal training from an organization like that.

Guest Commentary | Life changes, sometimes it means never playing again

by Glenn Mollette, Guest Commentator

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National football star Aaron Rodger’s football career may be over, but maybe not. It’s hard to keep a good man down. Sometimes, there is too much to overcome to come back.

Many of us watched the mega media debut of Rodgers as a New York Jets quarterback. His move from Green Bay after 18 seasons catapulted him to New York City celebrity status. He came to the Jets after a hugely successful career with the Packers. His accomplishments were many and include a Super Bowl ring. He was received the Super Bowl MVP award and four NFL MVP awards. He was touted as the man who would revitalize the Jet’s program and lead them to glory.

Rodger’s financial package to make the move from Wisconsin to the Jet’s program was $75 million dollars over two years. The money is guaranteed even though he may never play again. Rodgers reportedly took a salary cut to make the move.

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Regardless of the size of the financial package, doctor’s report, health, prior success, or talent, none of us can count on anything for sure.

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During last week’s Monday night football game on the fourth play of the game, Rodger’s Achilles heel tendon was torn during the play. The injury requires surgery and the rest of the season to rehabilitate. The spirit of the electrified crowd spiraled south as Rodgers was transported off the field.

Unfortunately, Rodger’s injury goes along with the game of football and can happen in most any sport. People can and do get hurt. There are no guarantees.

Life has no guarantees. We aren’t guaranteed another day. Regardless of the size of the financial package, doctor’s report, health, prior success, or talent, none of us can count on anything for sure.

We can say we are going to travel to a certain city and do business. Yet, there is no guarantee we will be able to complete the trip. We can promise we will work a job for ten years but it all depends on our health and good fortune. We aren’t assured of another day. We hope, we have faith, we trust, we believe, and we try to make good on our commitments. After this, it’s all in the hands of God.

We do hope Aaron Rodgers recuperates and is able to end his career on a higher note. I suspect that today he might be happy to end his football career by simply being able to play and walk off the field.

Depending on our circumstances, our lives and perspectives seem to always be changing.

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He is the author of 13 books including Uncommom Sense, the Spiritual Chocolate series, Grandpa's Store, Minister's Guidebook insights from a fellow minister. His column is published weekly in over 600 publications in all 50 states. The views expressed are those of the author and are not necessarily representative of any other group or organization. We welcome comments and views from our readers. Submit your letters to the editor or commentary on a current event 24/7 to editor@oursentinel.com.

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