When I was a child at Tomahawk Elementary School in Martin County, Kentucky there were many kids who got little to nothing for Christmas. I had classmates who I would never ask if they got anything for Christmas because I already knew the answer. Some of these kids were just glad to be in school. At school they could receive a free lunch and have access to a bathroom which they didn’t have at home. This also meant they could wash their faces and their hands which was difficult at home especially in the winter months. While most of us didn’t have much, what we did have seemed like a lot to those who had nothing.
This is where you need to stop and think. You stress about all you may not have but what do you have in comparison to those who have nothing? Do you have a place to sleep? Do you have a comfortable bed? Is your house or apartment warm and comfortable? Do you know you will have food to eat on Christmas day? Do you have a television to watch? Do you have a telephone? Do you have a few dollars in your pocket?
I’m very aware there are millions of Americans who are below the financial income poverty level. They have it tough. Our cities are filled with growing numbers of homeless populations. People are sleeping under bridges, overpasses and on riverbanks. Too many of these have met with unfortunate circumstances in life due to bad choices, addictions, unemployment, mental illness, and family issues. The list is never-ending. This doesn’t make their lives any easier. Just because there is a reason for the problems doesn’t make their burdens lighter or unnoticeable. Their reality is still harsh and painful.
Millions more immigrants are coming to America. Where will they sleep? Where will they work? Many of them will work for $8 an hour and work hard but many of them will be homeless or stranded in homeless shelters on government dependence for a long time. Would any of us want to trade places with them? I don’t think so.
Whatever darkness you are facing this Christmas is your reality. Seeing the hurts of others doesn’t make your troubles go away. However, if you can be thankful for the life you have, then maybe Christmas will take on a whole new light.
Look to the most special gift of all this Christmas – the baby in the manger. Shepherds raced to see the baby just as the angels said they would. Wise men came from the east and worshipped him with gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh. Mary and Joseph did the best they could as peasant parents of a new baby boy.
Keep the scripture of Isaiah 9:6 handy this Christmas. “For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on His shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Price of Peace.
May His peace comfort your heart and be your light and strength through this seasonand every day to come.
Dr. Glenn Mollette is a syndicated American columnist and author of Grandpa's Store, American Issues, and ten other books. He is read in all 50 states. The views expressed are those of the author and are not necessarily representative of any other group or organization.
This article is the sole opinions of the author and does not necessarily reflect the views of The Sentinel. We welcome comments and views from our readers. Submit your letters to the editor or commentary on a current event 24/7 to editor@oursentinel.com.
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URBANA - During the holidays, societal norms expect us to be sociable and cheerful. But it can be difficult for people dealing with the loss of a loved one. A normal shopping trip may turn blue when you hear the song you used to dance to. Or the Christmas tradition of baking cookies just seems empty without your friend there.
There’s no “one size fits all” approach to coping with loss during this time of year, says Rita Manning, a pastoral care professional and bereavement coordinator for OSF Hospice. But among the long list of coping suggestions, one may help the most: know your physical and mental limits in holiday social situations and set expectations accordingly.
“People need to know it’s OK if they leave for a moment to see if they can get themselves collected,” Manning says. “If not, say ‘I’m going to bid my farewells and go home.’”
For some, that may mean you won’t be the life of the party this holiday season. You’re balancing a desire to be present but also take care of yourself. Set that expectation for you and the people around you.
A useful script from Manning, for example, when someone invites you to lunch: “I’m not up to that today, but please don’t stop calling and checking in on me.”
Other ways to help manage loss for yourself and others around the holidays:
“Death does not kill the love you have for the departed person,” Manning says. “That’s the struggle, the process we’re in. Learning to live with this loss. That doesn’t happen overnight.”
That grace should come from the grieving person’s friends and family, too. Manning says if someone says, “I don’t think I can make it through Christmas without her!” or tells a story of the departed loved one for the 10th time, don’t roll your eyes or tell them to change the subject. Instead, listen and support them.
“If we don’t talk about it, it’s like the elephant in the room,” Manning says. “Often, grieving people like to hear stories and memories. It helps to know you had that relationship and you’re missing them too.”
Manning says the bereaved person often just says “Fine” instead of pouring out
the real answer.
Instead, try this: “How is your day treating you?”
“The bereaved are going to be in a fog for a while and not know exactly what they need,” Manning points out.
“Balance their time,” instead, Manning says. “Find time to have those moments of grief but also time to be busy.”
If your grief reaches a crisis (for example, you have specific plans for self-harm), seek help right away. Talk to a trusted friend or family member, call the 9-8-8 National Suicide Prevention Lifeline or call your primary care provider. Your provider can link you with grief counseling resources and diagnose any physical ailments that may be contributing to the situation.
Loved ones should keep an eye on the grieving person for signs of a bigger issue. Someone may start eating or sleeping too much or too little. Also, watch for changes in their appearance. If someone is known for festive holiday outfits and suddenly is in sweatpants and a T-shirt every day, it’s time for a talk.
